Tag Archives: movie

Carnival sheenanigans

25 Feb

Where I grew up, there never was such a thing as a proper carnival celebration. Imagine the culture clash when I moved to the rhineland area, where between Fat Thursday and Ash Wednesday basically everybody is dressed up and drunk. All. The. Time.

To be honest, even after 15 years I have not gotten the hang of it. Instead I have started my own carnival tradition – I hide at my own place, eat lots of unhealthy food and watch horror movies. It started in my dorm room, which I would only leave to heat food stuff in the communal kitchen, and continued at my first own tiny one-room flat, where I invited a friend or two and we made a lounge landscape under my bunk bed, eating The Sandwich Of Doom and scaring each other with weird movies we had found online.

Living in a real flat, with a real kitchen, it has become easier, but also less adventurous. We have a kitchen we can use any way we want, and our movie collection is well-stocked. In addition we live at the very edge of town, just a stone’sthrow from the woods, and no “Jeck” is going to come this way. Last night I did a huge grocery haul, and once I have finished writing this I will start looking for a cinnamon roll recipe – yes, our ideas of “unhealthy food” have changed as well. The only thing I make every years is a giant batch of “Laura Moon’s Chili” from The Geeky Chef, which tastes terrific and has its roots in my favorite novel, “American Gods”. Apart from that we have a tiny collection of ice cream, chocolates, crisps – and fresh fruit, which I am having for breakfast right now (watermelon, pineapple and mango). The older I get, the more I crave that stuff. It’s weird, I tell you. Maybe I’ll make waffles or pancakes to counteract all the vitamins.

As for movies, the only thing we have decided on so far is “It follows” from 2015, which we saw advertised somewhere a while ago. I want to make Richard watch “The crazies” and “The caller”, but he is hesitant, as he knows my taste in movies. And the cats just hope to eat, cuddle and sleep a lot. I guess they got it figured out!

Do you have any alternative traditions for public holidays you would like to share?

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Why Lesbian Vampire Killers is not a funny movie. Read at your own risk

11 Nov

I am developing a birthday tradition – we gather friends, eat and drink and watch horror movies. This year it was “Piranha 3DD” and “Lesbian Vampire Killers“, both at the request of friends.

For the past few days I have tried to find out why I did not like LVK. British horror comedy, what is not to like? Most dialogues are beer-witty, the images nicely composed … and yet something sat wrong with me. Until I got it. And now allow me to spoil the fun (and the movie) for you:

Basically this is a story of two guys accidentally stumbling into an ancient curse that turns every woman of a certain village into a lesbian vampire by the age of 18. The curse stems from Vampire Queen Carmilla, who fell in love with the wife of some knight, who, quoting from memory, was the only man brave enough to penetrate her. The movie goes on, showing how those two British blokes try to get a few German mythology(??) students drunk in order to get laid. Of course all women are turned into vampires before the guys get lucky. Which basically forces them to lift the curse. A bit of blood (or in this case, slime) shedding, a bit of cursing, some very mild erotic scenes later everything is fine – except for the fact that the women may not be vampires anymore, but they are still lesbians. The Horror!!!

So what rankled me? You guessed it – the cultural depiction of the German students was totally wrong. (Just kidding.)

My real problem – so first this Carmilla is raped, and then she is the evil one for cursing a village? And what is wrong about being a lesbian? I know, I know, they meant no harm, and why do I always have to take everything so serious? But I honestly preferred ageing David Hasselhoff singing and failing at lifeguarding over LVK. Sorry, not sorry.

(Just so you know that not all is lost – I am watching “Penny Dreadful” on Netflix at the moment, and I really enjoy the depiction of the evil witches. Honestly, who of us hasn’t thought about sewing the heart of a child into a doll to curse someone annoying?)

(That was not sarcasm.)

(For the records, no children have gone missing anywhere near me.)

Not feeling it

28 Oct

This year I am not feeling Halloween. Haven’t even dragged our decoration out of the basement. Maybe this is because to all the things I am trying to accomplish at the moment (writing two books, planning a third, dreaming of a fourth, figuring out when to squeeze translating yet another one into my schedule; taking care of sick cats; preparing for a few more weeks with an absent partner as he has to travel for work yet once more; taking his mother clothes-shopping; …). I still hope to watch a bunch of wonderful horror movies next weekend – any suggestions?

Last year I loved Trick’r’Treat – it has a wonderful comic book style and is dark and kind of funny and twisted and gory and all over the place. It came out in 2007, but if you are like me and always trying to catch up with the world, you may not yet have seen it. In that case give it a try! I may even watch it again, and again, and again.

Review: The cabin in the woods

5 Jan

(Contains spoilers!)

A couple of students leave for a short vacation outside of the city. From the get-go things seem strange. The cabin’s basement is full of mysterious items, and suddenly they are attacked by a zombie redneck torture family.

Sounds like a normal teenie horror flick. But what about the people in the NASA-like control center secretly observing them and betting on which creature will get to them? This is where perfectly hilarious Friday night entertainment becomes interesting for the witching. Because these students are the involuntary participants in a ritual to appease “The Old Ones” – ancient gods demanding blood sacrifice in order to stay asleep. If the ritual fails, it will mean the end of the world. All over the world teams are working with modern means to make certain ritual scripts happen, involving death by the mythical creature of the sacrifices’ (involuntary) choice. However, everything goes wrong once the last two survivors find the entrance to the command center.

I like teenie horror flicks. I like them even better if there is a new twist, something I have not seen before. Of course I loved this. There was a good amount of gore, but even more occasion for laughter. And I liked the appearance if Sigourney Weaver in the end (by the way, which was the Cinderella movie with her as evil queen?).

In the end, the big question remains – if someone told you your best friend had to die in order to prevent the end of humanity, could you do it?