No, you don’t have dented vaginal chakras

22 Jan

I swear.

I also do know that those coming here are rather smart and would not fall for something like this. Still it was a hilarious read at the office this morning. We’re medical translators, remember, so this counts as research. ^^

Somehow many people fall for the idea that, in order to achieve physical, emotional and spiritual health, you constantly have to “fix” something – add stuff to your day, deny yourself something, do more, tweak your routines, be better. And by doing this, they stress themselves out, always looking for the next supplement or superfood or secret regimen that will give them what they think they cannot achieve otherwise – perfect health.

Don’t get me wrong – I love alternative cures and trying out new weird stuff, and I am very passionate about all things “health”. But somehow I don’t think that adding to already stressful days will help anyone except the guys peddling those “cures”. With most topics such as yoga or pilates or green smoothies I would say, go ahead, try it and see whether your body likes it – and whether it is sustainable in everyday life. But some things, such as stuffing your orifices with obscure tiny teabags or doing coffee enemas (I am not making that stuff up) or timing your eating and drinking periods throughout the day so your stomach won’t turn into a “swamp” and somehow mysteriously leech all health from your body (still not making it up), are downright ridiculous, or worse.

Our bodies have been finetuned by millenia of evolution. Our ancestors survived droughts, hard winters and periods without any food or shelter. They ate bugs, drank mud and chewed on bark. They probably did not get their nine hours of sleep each night, did not have special sleep-inducing lights and, in most cases, had never seen sweet potatoes or quinoa or pineapple – or whatever else is pushed on you as part of the caveman diet, “clean eating” or “mystify your diet chakra” (yes, that one is mine).

Detoxing as it is sold at hilarious prices is unnecessary. Your body knows how to do that. Drinking your weight in water (or anything above maybe two liters per day) does not help your body flush toxins – in fact if your blood is too diluted, your kidneys will do a less stellar job of catching the grub floating through your body. High levels of vitamins will, in most cases, not improve your health – water-soluble vitamins and nutrients will just be flushed out by your kidneys, and fat-soluble vitamins may even be stored in your body and build up to levels of toxicity. Unless you are indeed ill, your body is an expert at getting rid of the stuff it cannot use, without regular enemas or flushes or detox cures.

Instead, why not try taking things slowly? Don’t add to your day, but detract from it. Make life more simple. This morning I read how one could “eat clean” on three bucks a day by making everything yourself, from mayonnaise to stocks to rolls, and honestly – do you have the time for that? I don’t. Compromise. Find out which things are important to you and which are not. Take reasonable shortcuts. And don’t forget to have some cake.


4 Responses to “No, you don’t have dented vaginal chakras”

  1. Magaly Guerrero January 27, 2016 at 7:31 pm #

    “stuffing your orifices with obscure tiny teabags or doing coffee enemas”

    Wow. Just wow.

    • diandralinnemann January 28, 2016 at 9:20 am #

      Possibly even more wow (wower?) for those with REAL conditions. My younger sister gets mad every time someone tells her how they are “gluten-intolerant” and gain weight as soon as they eat wheat – for her daughter has horrible cramps as soon as her food touches anything that has been near normal bread. :-/

      • Magaly Guerrero January 28, 2016 at 3:59 pm #

        I understand your sister’s outrage. People are so extremely misinform. There is a huge difference between getting an upset stomach when you eat something (like wheat, or dairy, or meat) and the agony felt by those whose physiology can’t tolerate the thing. And about people self-diagnosing, don’t get me started… I might explode.

  2. Norman Andrews January 29, 2016 at 3:08 pm #

    Over the years I have taken so many “wonder” things that were going to change my life, none of it ever did.


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