On cocktails, feminists and why does everything have to be so complicated?

22 Dec

I will probably never understand how guys think. Or at least not my particular specimen. This is a transcript of a conversation we had a few days ago.

Me, “I don’t like when we go out and guys buy me drinks, I usually refuse.”

Him, “Why, are they mysogynist for buying you drinks?”

Me, “Would you prefer it if I took the drinks and flirted with the guys?”

Him, “You wouldn’t have to flirt.”

Me, “But I thought that was the deal – they buy the drinks, we flirt, we end up having sex – or that’s what they hope.”

Him, “You could tell them you have a boyfriend.”

Me, “But don’t you always tell me that you hate it when you simply try to start a conversation, and the first thing out of a woman’s mouth is, ‘By the way, I have a boyfriend’?”

Him, “Well, yes. But it makes men feel bad if you refuse their drinks.”

Me, “But it also makes them feel bad if I take the drinks and then ignore them.”

Him, “You could talk to them.”

Me, “Wouldn’t they take that for flirting?”

Him, “You could make it clear that you are not interested.”

Me, “In that case they’d probably think I am a bitch who thinks she is better than they are. I would rather just refuse the drink.”

Him, “But that would make them feel bad.”

Me, “Accepting the drink would make me feel bad.”

Him, “Why do you have to make a feminist issue out of everything? Buying drinks for women is a tradition, and men like doing so.”

Me, “Oh, then why did I buy my own drinks when we first met?”

Him, “…”

I’d say it is not even that hard. If you are interested in someone, talk to them. Find out if you even like them. I love meeting new people, as long as they don’t come with expectations on how I have to act in public. And just because we dress up nicely when we head out, it does not mean we are up for grabs. Once again, asking helps.

(Tiny interim rant: I love reading the complaints of guys who go out to meet women, try to attract them by buying drinks and flaunting their watches/cars/designer shoes…. and later complain that every woman they attract is only into them for the money.)

Having gotten all that off my chest: I love to have fun. Some people would accuse me of flirting, but that is just my fabulous personality spilling over. ^^ And yes, I can buy my own drinks, thank you very much.


7 Responses to “On cocktails, feminists and why does everything have to be so complicated?”

  1. outstandingbachelor December 22, 2014 at 5:48 pm #

    I am a part-time bartender; I think I have seen it all.

    Generally, people at a bar like to talk, want recognition, and someone to appreciate them and their accomplishments / characteristics. That said, some people (men, mostly) just want to be left alone – but alone in a crowd. After a drink or so, he might open up. Or maybe not.

    A man can drink a whole lot cheaper at home, of course.

    Likewise, stereo-typically, we can come up with ‘male behavior’ and ‘female behavior’, at the bar, but not everyone falls into these neat little categories either. Some ladies seek attention, others want to ‘go out’ and others want to meet men. And over the course of an evening, naturally, they might find themselves in all three camps, periodically.

    Nothing wrong with that.

    Although I am in this environment regularly, albeit on the other side of the bar, personally, if I were a patron at a bar (which is unlikely – as I don’t drink) I would not make it a point to strike up a conversation with a woman, at a bar.

    Better to meet her under conditions that are a little more sane.

    To each his own I suppose.

    • diandralinnemann December 23, 2014 at 9:24 am #

      Working as a bartender and not drinking? I thought affinity to booze was a job requirement! ^^

  2. petoskeystone December 22, 2014 at 6:46 pm #

    It makes men feel bad? Since when am I expected to toady up to every man who wants attention?

    • diandralinnemann December 23, 2014 at 9:25 am #

      I mean, I get it… working up the courage to talk to a stranger at a bar is tough, and everyone is out to have fun. We try to be nice, but…

  3. magalyguerrero December 24, 2014 at 12:39 am #

    I don’t accept drinks from strangers–females or males. So there.

    • diandralinnemann December 24, 2014 at 9:14 am #

      And isn’t it a nice gesture – “You don’t have to buy me anything, I’ll talk to you for free!”

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