A love story and some darkness

2 May

(Parts of this post are rather dark and may be triggering.)

(No, I have not forgotten Beltane. It’s just that I celebrate on the 5th full moon of the solar year, i.e. on 2013-05-25. More on the lunar calendar and such nonsense in the future. ^^ )

Originally I had planned to tell you of my newfound love. Love at first sight. We go together like hand and glove. Or rather, foot and shoe.

I bought my first pair of Vibram Fivefinger shoes. Basically a simple kind of barefoot shoe in black and bright orange which kind of myke my feet luck like those of a duck.

They arrived on Tuesday, I put them on for the first time on Wednesday morning at 02:30 A.M. (after returning from a Witch’s dance, pictures of which Richard has promised me) – and never wanted to take them off again.

I wore them Wednesday while walking around town with friends, and still loved them.

I put them on when I went to the office today. Which shows you just how much I love them. I walked half the way to the office in the early morning sunshine, enjoying the feel of the pavement under my feet and the wonderful shoes.

My colleagues saw the shoes and told me how ugly they were.

I replied that I did not care, because they are just so damn comfortable.

They insisted. One comment was, “Your shoes are insulting my eyes.”

I replied, “How dare you let your eyes insult my shoes.”

Why I would not wear ballerinas instead?

Because these are damn comfortable shoes. And now shut up.

We are friends. We bickered a bit, grabbed our teas and coffees and went about our day. I like my friend because she always speaks her mind.

One thing I usually do not talk about is how, when I still went to university and was working through some rough stuff, I kept cutting the soles of my feet because the physical pain gave me something to concentrate on when the memories became too overwhelming. I would peel off long strips of skin. Some days I went to my classes smiling and acting normal, wearing high heels, with the balls of my feet cut into stripes and blood pooling in my shoes.

Eventually I came out of the whole and decided that I deserved better. And that my feet deserve better. I learned how to love myself and started taking better care of my body. I don’t wear fancy shoes because I think feeling good is more important than looking good. No heels for me unless they are really great – and it does not matter how cute they are. No sandals with fancy strings cutting into my toes. Ballerinas are great, yes, but my feet are so long that it is sometimes hard to find shoes where my toes do not have to curl up. Luckily I do not have an infatuation with shoes – unless my Vibrams, of course.

(I know I can’t wear them to work every day – I bought them for running and am just getting my feet used to them because wearing them is hard on the untrained foot muscles. But maybe I will find a pair in less happy colors… well, a girl can dream.)

Don’t tell me it is more important how I look than how I feel. Don’t try to make me feel bad about things that make me happy. Think whatever you will. After all, their choice does not invalidate yours.

It might just be that they have scars they do not want to add to.

And now I will have some cake AND some lemon curd and listen to my favorite music and think of kittens and sexy boys.

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6 Responses to “A love story and some darkness”

  1. Peppylady (Dora) May 3, 2013 at 4:52 am #

    One needs to be comfort in and out of there skin. Never heard of “vinram” but living in a small community things moves at a lot smaller pace.
    I never been to witch ball or even coven….I been checking some out on line. The closes one is about 100 miles from me…A 2 hour drive.

    Coffee is on.

    • diandralinnemann May 3, 2013 at 1:48 pm #

      The witch’s dance we went to is an annual medieval market with live music and a big midnight witch’s people dance around for good luck (and because it is fun). It’s not really for witch people, but many go there for fun.

  2. Magaly Guerrero May 3, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

    I find that kind of shoes very cute. I guess my tastes are very personal, huh? I mean, really, it’s like walking barefoot but better because the bottom of the feet are protected and your lovely toes are covered with color. What can be cuter?

    I don’t wear heels. But my back and hip need a wee bit of height, so no fivefinger shoes for me *sigh* Hm, I wonder if could try inserts… 😀

    About celebrating Beltane on the 5th or anything else when it feels right or by the moon, you know me, I dance when the music speaks to my bones. There have been times when the music is just to low, so I’ve skipped the dancing all together.

    • diandralinnemann May 3, 2013 at 1:49 pm #

      There are sabbaths I tend to forget every year. ^^

      Aaaand the vibrams were so comfortable yesterday that even my “health sandals” are chafing now!

  3. Liathano May 3, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

    Ich finde die Schuhe cool and habe auch schon damit geliebäugelt. Schön, wenn sie deine Lebensqualität steigern können!

    Und es ist großartig, wie du dich da gewandelt hast und dass dein Innen und Befinden wichtiger ist als das Außen. Andersrum kann man auch nicht dauerhaft glücklich werden.

    Eine kurze Phase hatte ich auch, wo ich mir Schmerz be-greifbar machen musste, aber ich kam schnell auf den Trichter, dass es mir darum gehen muss, heil zu werden, statt mich kaputt zu machen.

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