Good intentions, bad suggestions

21 Oct

In case you didn’t know, the guy works as a business consultant. And if you have ever spent any amount of time with business consultants clowns, you know that they mostly are a bunch of egotistical, sociopathic, megalomaniac assholes. Like sharks in expensive suits – all blood thirst, no emotion. (Just kidding. I like sharks. Business clowns, on the other hand … )

Now, the guy has a new colleague who goes behind the team’s back every occasion he gets to cozy up to to the bigger cheese, befriend the clients and badmouth everyone else on the team. Of course the guy complains about this behavior to me, because it is unprofessional and hurts the team and the project they have been hired to complete. The way I see it, N.A. (New Asshole) is trying to launch his own carreer at the expenses of everyone around him. No making friends, no building connections or gathering experience, no taking hostages (figuratively speaking, of course).

And for the past few weeks I told the guy that he had to shape up in order to defend the team, show N.A. that the project won’t work this way and give him a taste of his own medicine. But I feel bad for doing so. That’s not who the guy is. He is patient and sweet and careful around people so he won’t hurt their feelings (he can also be judgemental as hell, but only in private – no one’s perfect, right?). He thinks of his team and the bigger picture and wants everyone to cooperate and just get shit done.

So now I am stopping to tell him to “shark up” and be the bigger predator. He’s great just the way he is. Let the others fight about careers and bloody scraps, as long as the guy keeps his soul intact.

Tiny changes

10 Oct

But nothing much.

The mysterious toilet has disappeared as mysteriously as it had appeared. Fall is crashing into the landscape, leaving trails of bleeding trees and frost on the ground. Everyone is breaking out the heavy sweaters. And I really need to buy new pants.

The idea of doing an obstacle race refuses to die. I was ill for so long at the beginning of the year (normal cough, expert cough, ankle trouble) that we decided to postpone till next year. This gives us almost a year to train for a (hypothetical) race in September, and leaves me with enough breathing room to do a Strongman Run by the time I am thirty-five. Right now I run ten kilometers three times per week and try to get used to strength training at the gym. At the beginning of the next year I hope to get a few trainer sessions scheduled and start using free weights, at least part of the time, and maybe take on a pilates class for general torture. Oh, and I need to lose about twenty kilograms of fat to make it easier to hurl myself over the obstacles. Or that’s the plan.

Sounds boring? I don’t know, I am kind of hyped. You may have forgotten that Diana is my patron goddess, no matter how hard we fight, and moving my body, especially running through the woods, has become our kind of prayer/ritual. Sometimes birds of prey accompany me on my runs – either waiting for a nice snack once I collapse, or in order to encourage me. Who knows? My running speed has increased slighty (from originally 7:30/km to 6:15/km over the course of several years *ahem*), but I mostly enjoy that I can run rather long distances without interruption and not get hurt in the progress.

Of course there will be less wood-running as the evenings go darker, and I am not sure that the treadmill at the gym is a suitable substitute, but I will keep you posted. And in the meantime there is plenty of time for candles and horror movies and long graveyard walks. Maybe I’ll bring a few pictures the next time. ^^

18 Aug


To be honest, our neighborhood is far from shitty. Quite the contrary. We’re one of those places where neighbors spy on watch out for each other and there are disputes over whether you have parked in the wrong spot – which belongs to the neighboring flat, although that neighbor does not even have a car and the spot is ALWAYS empty and the other neighbor has been parking his BMW so close to your spot that the only thing you could park there is a children’s bicycle, but he rented the flat with the parking spot and he’ll be damned if he lets anyone else park there for we’re in Germany and there are RULES, goddamnit, and where will this all end if everyone parks their car where they want to, these savages, in the olden days those punks would have been set straight by their parents no matter their age!

Mostly we like living here. We keep our heads down, smile when we meet the neighbors, park our car in our spot (unless the BMW is parked too far on the right, then we park out in front on the street, but that is not bad, either, for nothing ever happens around here) and keep to ourselves.

And right now we are watching dirt getting stirred up.

Two families are moving in simultaneously, and doing lots of renovating and stuff.

You know, this is a QUIET house. The people do not like other people drilling or opening doors or walking in the hallway after a certain time. The last people who moved in here moved out again after just three months because some of the older inhabitants had a veritable smearing campaign going on against them because their dogs were too loud and the older dog sometimes peed in front of the house. They told everyone that the woman was being looked for by the police, called animal protection over alelged dog abuse and wrote her landlord scathing letters about what kind of FILTH had he brought into the house??!

And now two new families. One couple in their fourties, polite and well-off, who put up letters when they have loud construction going on and leave chocolate on your doorstep as an edible excuse. (I like them.)

The other one, from what I have seen, a younger couple, maybe our age, with lots of family helping and drilling on weekends and a tiny child, which means they leave their buggy in the hallway sometimes.

I wonder how long they will last.

I’ve tried, really, but …

16 Aug

… I am just not a spiritual person.

This does not mean that I am not a witch – beware! I would rather stop breathing than stop witching. But that whole transcendent, one-with-nature, forgive-your-enemies thing … not for me. I do not even understand why anyone would want the whole thing.


This is a picture of my altar, taken this morning. Notice the duck? Or the two sheep? My everyday stuff continues creeping into my sacred spaces. I also have some candles in the livingroom which I like to light for some proper down-time. Want to see them?


I put some shit next to them. And not just some random shit. Pretty cute shit.

In the end, I guess, my practice fits with my everyday life and personality. I AM THE BLOOD OF THE POTATO! (If you don’t get it, just trust me. I’m out of coffee.) I don’t have time for fancy meditations or elaborate rituals. No mantras here, thank you very much. Instead I try to BE a witch – take care of those around me. Be patient, but take no shit. Pick up litter. Defend those who need defending. Listen. Breathe fire (occasionally).

With all these tasks, I still fail spectacularly. I run out of patience. Or I just don’t feel like doing it. Or I have my head (or heart) full of other stuff. But I keep trying. and over all these things I hope, I may slowly be turning into Granny Weatherwax. Although I doubt she had cute shit on her shelves. ^^

Think positive, or How I was tempted to punch someone throught the screen

29 Jul

This morning an author posted a eulogy in one of the many author groups I am member of on FB. Someone he knew, a fellow author, had been suffering from depression and committed suicide.

The very, really, I-kid-you-not first comment under this post was “People should not let negativity drag them down, just think positive!”

I am sure you, too, know the urge to punch someone REALLY hard through the screen. I do. As this kind of magic has been declared illegal by the High Council of Evil Witches, I had to limit myself to telling her what I thought of her comment, and switching off all notifications for the post.

Yes, OF COURSE from the outside depression can simply look like, “You have to try harder. Don’t be such a wuss. Have you read this beautiful blog on thinking positive?” On the inside it’s more often like standing in the middle of a stony desert under a grey sky, all alone, with no input whatsoever, and no idea how to get out. All the while vultures are circling around you and whispering about all your failures and all the bad things that have happened that you could not stop.

Under these circumstances “think positive” feels a lot like saying, to someone with a broken leg, “Just jump around a little, it will mend in no time!”

Depression is a chronic condition, not something that can easily be fixed. And I know people like easy fixes. That’s why some people make shitloads of money – they promise “easy fixes” for everything from flat boobs to becoming rich without working. The idea of easy fixes is, in the end, that you are at fault yourself if oyur condition is less-than-stellar (be it financially, emotionally, health-wise) because there is this really simple easy fix available and you are essentially a bad person for not trying it – or even worse, for having tried and failed.

The woman who posted the comment in question, by the way, insisted that she was merely pointing out a very simple solution to a common problem that is not really a problem at all.

Yeah, stop being a downer, all you depressed, mentally ill people. You’re spoiling our fun.

I still have that punching itch. Anyone got an alibi for me? Maybe if I can escape detection from the High Council of Evil Witches …

(Gosh, I *know* cursing her does not help anything at all in this situation. But it would feel so very, very good.)


To end this on a happier note, this is a picture of a cake I brought to work today. A colleague is leaving the country, and she likes mice.



I did it again!!!

26 Jul

As of today, you can get “Whispering woods” through the usual channels:

Amazon UK 
Amazon US

And now I have to rush to get through edits and get the next book translated to catch up with everything and everyone! So, if you feel like you miss me, pick up your copy and leave me a few nice words! ^^


Heat and PMS don’t mix

20 Jul

This is a whiny post.

I don’t like the heat. Take all my summer days and give me some extra October instead. I don’t care about beaches and sunburns.

Plus I am PMSing so hard it is giving me headaches and threatening health and sanity of everyone around me.

Of course I know what I have to do for that – eat some sweetpotato. But, honestly? In this heat?

During the day I am stuck in a 12 m² office with the window facing south-west, together with three other opinionated nerds. Life is tough. Really. I love these women, but today I cannot promise to not strangle anyone. Which is totally not their fault. I would strangle the Dalai Lama if he stood between me and my soothing cup of coffee.

However, it helps to remind myself that part of this mixture of impatience and aggression is not the rest of the world being stupid, but my hormones going crazy. Which is why I take deep breaths, google sweetpotato salad recipes and try not to go on a killing spree.

Have a great day!